Happy December, Readers! It’s sixty-goddamn-two degrees in New York right now. That ain’t right. Oh sure, plenty of people are rejoicing in the glory of all this warmth. Men, women, and children, walking the streets in their bathing suits opening up fire hydrants to play in.
I feel differently. This is alarming and terrifying.
I feel passionate about the environment and do my best to consciously live Green. I want to share a few notes on little things I’ve seen lately and my feelings on the topic:
Littering makes me want to commit murder. Clean and tidy bloodless murder. This isn’t 1956, how are there still people incapable of finding a wastebasket?
Support the troops? That’s awesome. Take a military shower. Two minutes? Less? Whatever it is, shorten your shower time. You’re probably not that dirty.
Or are you the asshole who “needs” two showers a day? More? Do you work in a coal mine? Are you a prostitute? I don’t think so, asshole. This isn’t China, you germaphobe. There aren’t guys outside with a vacuum cleaner making bricks of smog.
Brush your teeth with the water running? You should be punched point blank in the molars for your egregious indifference.
Or do you run your dishwasher and washing machine with just a few items inside? What the fuck is wrong with you? Where do you think all that water comes from?
Worse, do you use a bath towel once and throw it in the hamper because it’s now “dirty”? Yes, dirty with your ignorance. Are you unaware of the purpose of showers?
Gotta have that cute $7 top from H&M? Fuck that. Disposable clothing and it’s weight upon the environment, not to mention textile industries in developing nations is monstrous. Save your money to buy quality clothes that will last years.
People who expect plastic bags for every single purchase. The expectation has become so engrained in cashiers that they will bag a toothpick. Or my favorite, double bagging. Are you purchasing loose razor blades? No!
Buy one of these right now: http://www.envirosax.com or buy a bunch and give them to your careless friends. These reusable bags weigh nothing, yet carry up to 44lbs, and consume zero space in your purse or your big stupid car.
Here’s a blurb from their site about the impact of plastic bags upon our environment:
“One-use plastic bags & bottles take years to photo-degrade, they clog drains, cause flooding, pollute rivers, streams and oceans, kill animals and destroy plant life. There exists a ‘plastic island’ approximately 500 nautical miles off the Californian coast made up of 9 billion pounds of plastic garbage and it’s reported to be growing.” http://www.envirosax.com/about-us/
Did you catch that? Let me reiterate: a “Plastic Island” the size of my home state RHODE ISLAND.
Poland Spring? Dasani? Aquafina? Whatever your wasteful landfill-clogging brand is, get a goddamn glass and reuse it. Over and over and over again.
Use bottled water because you’re grossed out by tap water? How ironic. Pick up a Brita Pitcher and know that ONE filter makes your tap water taste like liquid magic and for every filter you’re keeping 300 plastic bottles out of the landfill. https://www.brita.com/filter-for-good/
Need the heat on in May because you’re a delicate flower? Put some pants on!
That seemingly insignificant cardboard toilet paper roll? Put that in the paper recycling, stupid.
Are you in your own home yet eat off disposable plates? You’re an animal. An animal who likes to play make-believe “picnic”. Never buy that shit again. Buy a set of dishes, you wasteful bastard.
Own an SUV? Sucks that your commute requires off-roading. Oh, wait, it doesn’t? Compensate someplace else and trade in that oversized extension of your would-have-been-adult-sized penis.
As President Obama says, “climate change is real and it’s all our fucking fault.”
I’m paraphrasing. He writes:
“Just about every scientist outside the White House believes climate change is real, is serious, and is accelerated by the continued release of carbon dioxide. If the prospect of melting ice caps, rising sea levels, changing weather patterns, more frequent hurricanes, more violent tornadoes, endless dust storms, decaying forests, dying coral reefs, and increases in respiratory illness and insect-born diseases – if all that doesn’t constitute a serious threat, I don’t know what does.”
Recycling, conserving water, fuel, and energy aren’t difficult. Ignorance is one thing, but I’m certain everyone is aware of what they need to do to preserve our lush green Earth.
And if you just don’t care, then come with me down this darkened alleyway. I have a surprise for you.